Hello!

How many of you find yourselves saying good job to your children? When I first started my path to teaching I used this phrase often.  In my mind I was offering encouragement and support to the children. What I didn’t realize was that I was encouraging the children to look to me for an evaluation of their work.  I didn’t want the child to work on something just to hear praise from me but to do it for them.

Children should feel the pride and joy for their work not because an adult says they should but because they do feel that way. Using good job can seem like we are telling the child how to feel about their work and seek our approval.  We want our children to look inside themselves for validation and not to others.

So what can you do instead of saying “good job”?   I quickly learned to use phrases based on what I saw such as,   “You used many colors in your picture”, ”you did it” or “You really took your time”.  Also try to ask questions. When you ask open ended questions like “tell me about your picture” or “what your favorite part to make was” you give your child the opportunity to share her interest and nourish it without influencing them.  I also have had some great conversations with children start this way!

It’s not bad to use expressions of delight but we as adults need to think about our reasons we say what we say.  We want our children to have a sense of control over his or her life and not seek approval from others.  The goal is to have our children experience success on their terms and not to do things to receive praise from adults.

Have a great day, Rachel